


Alive (Back from the dead)

by va_lentina



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, Canon Divergent, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Comfort, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fix-It of Sorts, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Past Character Death, Possible Character Death, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:07:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27080920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/va_lentina/pseuds/va_lentina
Summary: Octavia witnesses Bellamy's death on Bardo.Bellamy walks into the Anomaly on Sanctum.He wakes up... five years in the future.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Octavia Blake siblings, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Octavia Blake/Gabriel Santiago | Xavier
Comments: 54
Kudos: 92





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **  
> _A couple of things I would like to say..._  
> **  
>  There’s this beautiful song by Fabrizio De André called _Via del Campo_ that goes  
>  _Dai diamanti non nasce niente  
>  Dal letame nascono i fior_  
> Which roughly translates to “Nothing grows from diamonds / Flowers grow out of dung”.
> 
> If it’s true that a good storyline and good characters can inspire people to create new original content, it is also true that a complete fuck up can push them into creating out of spite and rage. At least, that’s what happened with me.  
> I wrote this to prove a point, I guess. That you can make people go through pain, and through love, and through death, and through happiness with consistency.  
> It’s the first fic I’ve written in a very long time, it’s the first one I’ve ever completed and it’s the absolute first I ever wrote in English (so be kind please and thank you).
> 
> To Anna. I would have absolutely not been able to do this without your help. You are the best beta I could have ever asked for and the reason why the mess of ideas I had in mind has now a definitive form. Grazie grazie grazie <3  
> (Also, check out Anna’s profile [right here!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fake_Brit/pseuds/Fake_Brit))  
> To Ines. Your excitement is what kept me going! Your notes were what I needed the most– and, honestly, our exchanges were surreal. We now know what happens when you put together two people who have to apologize for everything. Love ya.  
> To Sara and Francesca, who read the first draft of the very first chapters and started yelling at me through texts. I hope you won’t hate me.
> 
> Thank you Taylor Swift for _This Love_.
> 
> I’ll be posting two chapters every week, one on Wednesday and one on Saturday. It’s 9 chapters in total: will you stay with me for the next 4-ish weeks?
> 
> Let me know what you think about this!
> 
> Vale
> 
> (find me on twitter as [@fleablck](https://twitter.com/fleablck))

_Francesca, I started this godforsaken show just for you._

«I’ll tell you everything you want to know, even about Clarke». Anything, to keep her brother safe.

«What the hell are you talking about?!» knife in hand, hand to throat. It could have all gone south way too quickly. _Trust me_.

«Bell. It’s okay. I can’t let you die to save me. Jump through. I’ll be okay». _I’ll try_.

«No, no way. Not without you».

The absolute certainty and conviction in his eyes were the most familiar things she knew. He had always looked at her like that, like he’d instantly walk through fire for her. That look in his eyes never disappeared, not even when she thew him in the fighting pits– _God_ , he forgave her that too. Was there anything he wouldn’t forgive her? Will she ever be able to show him the same kind of love? _My brother, my responsibility_. And then…

«I do the Shepherd’s bidding, for all mankind».

A light. A rumble. «Bellamy, get down!» He was gone.

Octavia was right there, she was _right there_ , bleeding in his arms– _who_ was that girl, _why_ did she stab her? She was _there_ , she was _bleeding_ , and then she was gone. Disappeared, God knows how.

Bellamy instantly forgot about everything else: Sanctum and everyone on it didn’t matter anymore, the only important thing was finding Octavia. Where did she go? Gabriel was talking about an anomaly. She had all those symbols tattooed on her back. That girl had symbols tattooed on her face. All that must have had some kind of meaning. Not like he had time to think: his legs got the better of his brain, and he started running through the woods, looking for… he wasn’t even sure _what_ he was looking for. A voice in his brain was telling him to go back to Gabriel– he was the one who helped him with Clarke, after all. He could have some kind of solution for Octavia as well. But then again, in time of crisis he had never really taken the time to listen to voices in his head.

And then, what he was looking for came into view: a light, bright and green. Bellamy didn’t even have the time to process the thought– he stepped towards it, felt a pull and everything went black.

The only other time she had felt that kind of pain was when she saw Pike put a bullet in Lincoln’s head. She had really hoped to never feel that complete devastation again, the absolute loss you feel when someone you so deeply care about goes away forever. It was like the very foundations of her world were collapsing: an inner earthquake, that only she could sense. There wasn’t a scream loud enough, there weren’t enough tears to ease the wound. Her brother was gone: after everything he went through, he wasn’t even surrounded by his own people. He didn’t even get a last word. “I’ll be okay”, her last words to him. A lie. How could she be okay? What was the reason?

Pain was already flowing away, and anger was violently stepping in. _They_ killed him. “ _For all mankind,_ my ass”, she thought; just for some very selected people who had no choice but to grow up brainwashed. Oh, she was perfectly aware of the need to unify people under one name: Blodreina and Wonkru had, after all, been six whole years of her life. She knew it was a scam. Cadogan probably understood that, just by looking at her in that moment. Octavia had never been good at hiding her emotions. Before she could do anything, he gave a quick signal with his chin and a bunch of disciples got ahold of her and brought her back to her cell.

When Bellamy woke up, he found himself in a bed. He felt something pushing him down– blankets. Somebody had somehow taken care of him. The same person who had lit up the fireplace, probably. Bellamy tried to stand up, but he realized that his hands were tied behind his back with some rope. “Understandable”, he thought. While he was looking around to get a sense of with the place, somebody appeared in the door: a woman he had never met before.

«Who are you?»

«Bzz, wrong question. Who are _you_ , Sleeping Beauty?»

«What… how long have I been here?»

«This is the third day now. Slept like a baby».

«Do you tie babies up around here?»

«Just a precaution. It’s not like I could have guessed your serial killer nature just by looking at you».

Bellamy looked at her intently. She had to be a twenty-something. He had a weird hunch. Whether it was strictly about her or that place, he wasn’t sure.

«Where am I?»

«You still haven’t answered my question» she said, without even looking at him. She hadn’t stopped moving around ever since she came into view.

«What question?»

«Who are you?»

«My name is Bellamy Bla–» a crash, a splash. The woman was watering some flowers and the vase slipped out of her hands. Judging by the colorful string of swearing that followed, that must’ve been a pretty important vase.

She paused and took a deep breath. She turned around and locked eyes with him.

«I’m sorry. What’s your name again?»

«Bellamy. Blake».

She stared at him.

«Is everything alright? I can help you clean up…»

«Blake as in Octavia Blake?»

«How do you know my sister? Where is she? Is she alive?»

«Oh, _she_ ’s definitely alive. You’re the one who’s supposed to be dead».

«Beg your pardon?!»

«Yeah. Octavia’s brother died five years ago at the hands of Cadogan’s disciples. He disappeared into the green light in front of her eyes and never came back. Until now, that is», she gestured towards him.

Dead? Five years? What the hell was she talking about? Octavia disappeared from his arms _minutes_ before– okay, this woman claimed he slept for three days, so Octavia had disappeared three days before, but _he_ was definitely _not_ dead, and three days were definitely _not_ five years. What kind of sick and twisted game was she playing?

«Look, I really don’t want to waste time on bullshit. Can you take me to my sister? Can you tell me how to get to her? Where is she?»

She looked at him, almost as if she was analyzing him. Did she actually know Octavia? Was she trying to find a resemblance? Why wasn’t she answering his questions? _What was her name?_

«Sure, I can tell you how to get to her. This should be fun» she said as she came closer to him. «There isn’t much you have to do, really», she untied him and went to another room, «just, really, sit comfortably and wait. Want a glass of water? Juice? Something to eat?», she came back holding a frame. She passed it to him.

There were four women and a boy in the picture. One of them was the same one Bellamy had been talking to. She was standing next to a weirdly familiar brunette that couldn’t have been more than twenty years old. Bellamy thought he had gone completely crazy when he looked at the other two. He knew one of them like he knew the back of his hand. He would have been able to recognize her even in a crowd of thousands of people. And the other one… the other one was the woman he brought back to life just a couple of days before: her piercing blue eyes had not grown old.

Octavia and Clarke were smiling at him from the picture frame.

«It can’t be…»

The unknown woman pointed her finger at her picture. «This is me, I’m Anna, nice to meet you. This– you should know her– this is Madi. These two… well. And this» she moved her finger over to the boy, roughly five years of age, «this is Augustus. Blake. Your nephew, apparently».


	2. Chapter 2

Madi parked the car and Octavia exhaled loudly.

«Oh, come on!!» Madi screamed.

«What?! We literally have a _child_ in here and you _absolutely_ wanted to drive! I was obviously worried sick!!!». She gently shook the sleeping kid: «Gus, come on. We’re here».

In the front seat, Gabriel laughed. «She’s joking, Madi. You’re a great driver».

«Yeah. Well. I’ll go and call Anna so she can help us unload all of this».

Gabriel got out of the car and went to pick his bags in the back.

«You know she gets really tense when she drives, you could keep your jokes to yourself».

«Don’t you get all mama bear on me, dude. She’s perfectly able to take a joke. Can you _please_ pick your son up? I’m not really sure he wants to collaborate. And by the way, where the hell did Madi go?»

«To get Anna».

«Well, I don’t see either of them here. We have a shi– _nope_ , Augustus could hear her– a _shoot_ load of stuff to unload, they could offer their young and strong bodies».

«We’re not corpses yet» said Gabriel as he held a fake-sleeping Augustus in his arms.

«Yeah, and we have a _kid_ to carry with us! Gus, come on, wake up!»

Bringing what they could with them, they went inside.

«Madi? Anna? Where did you guys– oh, there you are! Can you please help us?» Octavia gestured towards the bags and the car outside.

«What’s wrong?» asked Gabriel, getting closer to the two girls. «You look like you’ve seen a ghost».

Madi had her eyes fixed on Octavia. She looked like she was trying to make up something to say but couldn’t find the right words.

«Anna? Is everything okay?»

Anna glanced over her shoulder. Octavia noticed that the light in the other room was on. Anna _never_ left the light on when she walked out of a room.

«I think you two should probably take a seat. I can take him» she said, picking Gus up.

«What is going on here? Who’s there?» both Octavia and Gabriel were visibly preoccupied.

«Okay, don’t freak out now. You’re not imagining it. It’s real. I don’t know how, but it is». Anna turned over to the room. «I think you can come out now».

Octavia had had one recurring dream, for five years. It wasn’t exactly a dream, it was more of a memory that came back to her in her sleep. The moment when Bellamy opened the bunker and found her. That feeling of pure relief and lightness when she saw him again… she could picture it every time she closed her eyes. The sunlight coming back in, after _six years_ in that godforsaken place. Bellamy coming down. His eyes searching the crowd for her. She felt like she was a little girl with a red ribbon in her hair again when she hugged him. She was safe in his arms. Octavia had thought she would have never seen him again, she thought she would have left both her soul and her life in the bunker, and yet… but that’s all it was– a memory. Bellamy had been gone for five years, and she would never be able to feel all of that again. She would never see him again.

Or at least that’s what she had thought until now. There was a man standing right there in the room who looked just like he had once. His clothes were the same clothes Bellamy had been wearing in Sanctum. Hair, eyes, beard, nose, freckles. He walked into the room where everyone was standing in complete silence. He was moving carefully. He was looking at her as if he had known her from the very first moment she was born, but at the same time wasn’t fully able to recognize her.

That was Bellamy.

«O?»

Octavia was paralyzed.

«This is impossible…». She stepped closer. She was now at the same distance from him she had been when she saw him die. Disappear.

He stepped closer as well. «It’s you».

He took her face in his hand. That was her brother. Octavia lost every ounce of control she had over her body and her reactions and jumped up to hug him, tears streaming down her face.

When Bellamy died– _disappeared_ , Octavia went to a really dark place. Gabriel knew Octavia’s history: her life had been difficult and heavy from the very first breath she ever drew. The only constant in it had been her brother. She made him Augustus’ favourite superhero, her big brother who took her to her first dance. Her eyes would light up whenever she thought of him, but, when the story was over, the light would die out and make room for a very bittersweet feeling: the realization that Bellamy could live on, but would never live again.

Augustus was the living and breathing proof of how important Bellamy had always been in Octavia’s life: an ever-present certainty, but not intrusive («Even though I did constantly tell him to leave me alone»). When they found out she was pregnant with a boy, everyone thought that she would naturally name him Bellamy.

« _What_?! He’d hate it. They’d both hate it– Bell would hate it from the grave and this guy would hate it growing up. He’d hate me because I gave it to him and he’d hate him because he would be all people thought about. And he’d hate you all because you either suggested it or didn’t stop it. Nope».

«Then, what are you going to call him?» asked Gabriel.

«I don’t know– what’s your dad’s name?»

«Uh-uh, nope. I want my family name gone from history. I did enough for all of them. No name, no surname. It’s up to you».

Octavia stared into the void. She grabbed Gabriel’s hand and put it on her stomach underneath hers.

«You know what he really liked? Mythology. And ancient history. Could go on and on for hours about Ulysses, Achilles, Hector… I guess… we could… I don’t know, I guess Augustus sounds like a good name. What do you think?»

Gabriel weighed the thought.

«Augustus. It’s important».

«It’s an important kid». He scoffed.

«Augustus. Augustus Blake».

«Santiago».

«What did I say?»

«Oh, come on. Second last names are hardly passed on».

«I– fine. Augustus Blake Santiago. I like it».

«I like it too».

And just like that, Bellamy was now there. Was it some kind of vile joke? Was it yet another enemy to be fought? They had been safe for years now, but could it be? Was it a ghost? Was it a hologram? It was impossible. People don’t come back from the dead. Not anymore…

Gabriel stood up, getting instinctively close to Octavia. But then she rushed into her brother’s arms. It definitely wasn’t a hologram.

«I’m getting everyone a glass of water» said Anna. As she moved around the room, Bellamy and Octavia separated. She had tears streaming down her face, but she didn’t look like she cared.

«Gus, come here. You’ve got to meet somebody». Augustus hid behind Gabriel’s legs.

«Come on, big guy, there’s nothing to be afraid of» said Gabriel, taking his hand and getting closer to the Blake’s.

«Bell, this is Augustus» said Octavia, picking the kid up. «Gus, this is Uncle Bellamy».

Bellamy moved his finger in front of the kid’s face: «Hey, buddy. Nice to meet you». Augustus grabbed the finger in his hand: «Hi».

Gabriel eventually said what everyone was thinking: «How?»

Bellamy looked quietly at them. Octavia put Augustus down. «I think we have a lot to talk about».

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind words about the first chapter! We're almost completely into the story and I'm excited for you guys to see what happens next.  
> Just a quick reminder that tags and character details are updated every time a new chapter comes out, if you need/want to check them out.  
> As per usual, let me know what you think about this and you can always find me on Twitter as [@fleablck](https://twitter.com/fleablck) :)  
> See you on Wednesday!


	3. Chapter 3

«Wait, wait, wait, hold up. What did you say is the _last_ thing you remember? Before appearing here, I mean» Anna looked like the one who was actually able to keep a straight mind in that crazy situation.

«Octavia disappearing in my arms», said Bellamy.

«And you said…»

«Bellamy disappearing on Bardo», said Octavia. The two of them were sitting close, holding hands under the table.

«It’s impossible», said Gabriel. «Let’s suppose that what Octavia saw wasn’t Bellamy’s…» he glanced around to check where Augustus was. Five is a really young age to be introduced to the concept death and resurrection, so Madi had taken him to his room to play and distract him. «… Bellamy’s death. Let’s say he jumped from there to here. How? Why doesn’t he remember it?»

«When I jumped through the anomaly without the helmet– I forgot everything that happened in there, remember?»

«Okay, fair. Even though... well, nevermind. He still jumped five years forward. We could travel through space, not trough time».

«What do you mean? When I went back to Skyring...»

«Yeah, yeah, a lot of time had passed– but that’s because time is relative and it moves differently on different planets. And there was the whole being-near-to-a-black-hole thing. This doesn’t mean that we can travel _through_ it».

«That’s not necessarily true, though» said Anna.

Gabriel stared at her, waiting for an explanation.

«You’re right when you say that time is relative– at least if you take a fixed point as your starting point. I mean, when you say it “moves differently”, yes, it does, if you assume one planet’s time as the norm. You see, here’s the problem: you should re-think the way you imagine time. You’re used to thinking about it as a linear progression that takes you from point A to point B, much like a road. Again– it does move like that where you guys are from. It _is_ linear– on Earth. But if you want to analyze time _in general_ , then you have to understand that it isn’t continuous».

Anna paused. Bellamy and Octavia were looking at her as if she had gone completely crazy. Gabriel was trying to make some sense of what she had just said.

«I’m not the best teacher, I know, but these are elementary things for us–»

«Us? Who’s us?» asked Bellamy.

«Yeah, that needs _a lot_ of explanation. Let’s just say that this is a new galaxy and Anna and everyone around us is… like… a different being. They’re humans, like us, just that, apparently, they’re more evolved. Future humans, so to say» said Octavia.

Bellamy stared. «This makes zero sense». «And what’s new?!»

«But we have to give some kind of form to time, otherwise how can we understand it?» asked Gabriel.

«Think of it like this. Everyone’s time, from birth to death, is actually linear. Now, this line of time doesn’t necessarily run simultaneously along time on a specific planet: it could, I don’t know, intersect it. Same thing goes for human interactions: two timelines could go in opposite senses. Mine could start right where yours ends, and mine could end right when yours starts».

«Where are you trying to get to?». Gabriel was getting nervous. An idea had been forming in his mind– he didn’t like it.

Anna took a deep breath.

«I could be wrong. As you said before, Bellamy could have jumped without the helmet and could have just forgotten everything about what happened in between the two jumps».

«But?»

«I don’t like but’s», said Octavia. She got closer to her brother.

«But it could also be true that he traveled through time. Just like you can travel through space. And therefore, that this Bellamy sitting in front of us is in fact the Bellamy who saw Octavia disappear right in his arms. Something that happened a couple of days ago for him, and five years ago for the rest of you».

«Then, what _did_ I see on Bardo?»

«Not what. Who. If this man standing in front of us is Bellamy-present, then the one you saw on Bardo is Bellamy-future. Who is, at the same time, _your_ Bellamy-past».

«I have completely lost you» said Octavia.

«Wait, are you… are you saying that Octavia saw Bellamy’s future? That he… that his… death…»

«Already happened».

«No», Octavia stood up and started moving around. «Nonsense. He jumped and forgot about it. I’ll take the non-continuous-time-thing, but I’ll also take what I already know. He jumped and forgot. It happened to me as well. It’s possible. It’s likely».

«O, calm down».

«I don’t want to hear it! I thought you were dead, Bell. Dead! I thought I had lost you forever. And now, look at you! You’re here, standing in front of me, this is your face, I can touch it, I can feel you, you’re not a memory, you’re _real_. Why should it be the worst case scenario?»

«Hold up» said Gabriel. «You said that time isn’t continuous, that it’s not a line, right? Then it’s not even a circle, or a triangle, or any other shape. Right?»

«Well… I mean, right, there isn’t one precise shape to describe it».

«Why are you talking about a time loop, then?»

«AH! See!» screamed Octavia.

«What I mean is–» said Gabriel, making Octavia sit down again, «you said that his death already happened. It was a step in the progression of events that took us right here, right now. But if we have to abandon continuity, then it’s pointless to talk about “progression of events”, isn’t it? And because of that, what has already happened in the past, doesn’t necessarily have to happen in the future. If time isn’t continuous, if it’s not a line nor a loop, then what has already happened can change».

«I mean, I suppose that…» Anna was blocked mid-thought by the opening of the door.

Octavia jumped upright: «Shit. I totally forgot about…»

Keys jingled and a female voice spoke.

Madi rushed out of Augustus’ room, followed by the kid.

«Hey! I’m home! Why is the car still half packed? We didn’t have that much st–» she stopped, inhaling sharply.

She went pale and stepped back towards the wall, visibly trembling and almost falling to her knees.

She let go of everything she was holding– documents fell to the ground, sheets of paper flying everywhere.

Octavia ran to hold her as she tried to catch her breathing back. «It’s okay, it’s fine, no, you’re not crazy. Calm down. Look at me. Breathe in. Breathe out».

Bellamy stood up: looking back at him, from the other side of the room, there was Clarke Griffin.

Clarke clearly remembered finally getting to Bardo. She remembered finding Gabriel dressed in white. She remembered Raven finding words for her confusion. “Where are the others?”, she asked. “Bellamy? Octavia? Echo?”. “Octavia and Echo are here”, Gabriel said. She remembered the realization, just a handful of milliseconds before Gabriel had spoken again. “But… I’m sorry. Bellamy’s dead”.

She remembered feeling as if the floor disappeared underneath her feet. Raven rushed to hold her, as the world around her shattered. Clarke had hoped to never feel like that again, but apparently the universe had others plans. The first time– when her father had been floated. Then, it was Lexa’s turn: right in her arms… she had never felt more powerless than in that moment. And then her mom, not even that long ago. And everyone else she lost: her life had been nothing but a continuous series of losses. When was it going to end?

During the six years she spent alone with Madi on Earth after Praimafaya, Clarke had made peace with the fact that the two of them might have been the last of the human race. Abby was trapped in the bunker with Octavia, Kane and everyone else. Bellamy was off to space with Raven, Murphy, Monty, Harper, Emori and Echo. She hadn’t been sure whether any of them may be alive, but she wasn’t completely sure they were dead either. It was like that paradox they taught her about on the Ark, Schrodinger’s cat. Up until the moment you opened the box and saw the real state of things, the cat is both alive and dead at the same time. That was the whole reason why she called Bellamy on the radio _every day_. “Who knows”, she’d thought. He might answer.

But this time, it was certainty. Bellamy was dead, like everyone else she had ever loved before. She could have spent six, seven, eight years straight calling– he would never answer. He wouldn’t magically drop from the sky; he wouldn’t show up at her door randomly, he wouldn’t be back. He was gone, left her life all of a sudden, just like when he appeared in it. And forever.

It took her years to make peace with that. To be fair, everyone around her thought it took her way less than years. Clarke gave in to pain for a very short time, and then remembered she wasn’t alone in that: everyone had lost him. Echo had lost him. Raven, Murphy, Emori had lost him. Octavia. To help them, she hid what she could and moved on. Some of them thought that meant she recovered quickly: it didn’t. In dreams, he would still come to her, she would still rush in his arms. In dreams, she would tell him everything he never got a chance to hear.

After some time, though, it did get better. They all went on with their new lives, they all found other things to think about. They had to adapt to a new world, new challenges, new normal lives. And then there was Augustus: that little kid brought instant joy to anyone who would talk to him. The wounds left by those who were not there anymore slowly healed and were now only scars. Those would never go away, but they wouldn’t hurt anymore, at least.

And now, there was that man. He looked just like him. Clarke was so shaken up she could barely breathe. It was like when he stepped out of the car to talk with Diyoza and rescued her. She thought she was having a hallucination of him: it felt the same now. How could it be? He had not aged one day from the time he breathed life back into her lungs. He still had the clothes Gabriel had given him. Octavia saw him die with her very eyes, and yet… it couldn’t be. She couldn’t stop looking at him.

«Clarke, look at me. Are you breathing, for God’s sake?»

«Ye… yeah, yes, I am, Octavia. I’m… I…»

«We’re trying to make sense of it, too. Come here, sit down» said Gabriel, taking her to the nearest chair.

Bellamy hadn’t said one word. She herself had no idea what to tell him.

«How… how are you… here?»

«I… I jumped. That’s what they said. I guess… well, I guess I time traveled».

«But it’s impossible. Octavia… you… you said you saw him die. Gabriel, you told it to me. Right to my face. I remember. “I’m sorry, Bellamy’s dead”. Five years ago. It’s impossible». She looked back at him. It looked so real.

Clarke stood up and got closer to him. She was terrified of touching him. What if it _wasn’t_ real? What if she touched him, and her hand just moved through thin air?

Bellamy didn’t move. He hadn’t really realized what they were telling him. Yes, there was Augustus: proof that years had passed. But right there, looking straight into Clarke’s eyes, he saw how much those years weighed on her. He didn’t even want to think about how it could have been for him to live without her– _again_. With the absolute certainty that she would have never came back.

Clarke raised her hand and slightly touched his face. Flesh and bone.

A silent beat passed.

Then, she threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest, crying, as Bellamy held her tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing bellarke scenes makes me incredibly nervous.  
> Also, I feel like I have to give a shoutout to Christopher Nolan because I watched all of his movies over the summer and they fucked with my head so much that when I saw what was happening with the Anomaly on the show I thought they would have gone in Nolan's direction. BOY, was I wrong.  
> Anyway!!! I hope you liked this!! Let me know, comment, tweet me ([@fleablck](https://twitter.com/fleablck)), send me smoke signals, whatever works for you.  
> See you on Saturday!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick thing: I was asked about ages and I realise that is not a very clear detail. If you're interested, you'll find the rough math I did in the [comment section of chapter 3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27080920/chapters/66409627#workskin). In short, all the characters should be the same age they were when Bellamy disappeared on Bardo + 5yrs for everyone (but him).  
> Anyway, you'll find that age gaps are not a main theme of the story... like, Octavia could be 60 and Bellamy 20, she would still be his little sister to him and he would still behave accordingly (and viceversa). Does it make sense?  
> Anyway, enjoy chapter 4!

“Up”. Sunlight was getting in the room through the closed shutters and everything around Bellamy was silent. It took him a while before he could remember where he was: it had all been so chaotic and confused. He turned over: Octavia was sleeping quietly next to him.

Gosh, she had got so big. A part of him would always think of her as the tiny and scared girl who had to hide under the floor on the Ark. But now… years had gone by for her, as shown by the new lines on her face. She was also a mom now. And she kind of looked like their mom. His little sister had undoubtedly grown up.

The alarm went off and Octavia woke up grunting. She saw him as she opened her eyes: a flash of surprise and astonishment passed in them, almost as if she thought it had all been a dream. She smiled.

«You already up?»

«Up and at ‘em».

«You have no idea», she laughed. «Alright, I have to wake up», she said, as she got out of the bed. Bellamy fidgeted with the sheets. What was he going to do? How was the day going to play out? How were the other days going to play out? He had arrived in the _future_ and didn’t even know whether his stay would have been temporary or permanent.

Octavia went to the living room to wake Gabriel up, who was asleep on the couch.

The whole house had awoken, slowly but steadily; Bellamy found himself caught up in the middle of their busy morning: everyone was doing something different. 

Augustus seemed to be the only calm and relaxed person in the room. No one was happy about that, though: Octavia was shouting at him while running from one corner to the other of the house trying to not spill coffee everywhere; Gabriel was desperately trying to get him to put his clothes on– “For school? He’s already going to school?”; Madi and Anna were devouring their breakfasts half-dressed and Clarke was having a cup of tea standing up in front of the kitchen counter, rapidly typing on… a phone? “Oh. We have phones again. An upgrade”.

They all looked like they were part of a well-oiled machine and Bellamy had no idea where he fit in all that. The scene unfurling before him was very different from the previous night, when Octavia had been so shaken up that she couldn’t even decide where to make him sleep. Thankfully, Gabriel had been ready to take the situation under control and made his bed on the couch– no matter how much Bellamy’d tried to argue with that. Octavia had taken a clean set of sheets and he’d helped her make the bed: something so normal and yet so strange for both of them. She couldn’t stop looking at him and giving him the biggest smiles.

No one was entirely comfortable with his presence there, either: after all, it must have been a huge shock for all of them. Whenever he would exchange quick looks with Clarke– who he hadn’t properly talked to yet– she would look shaken up and in disarray, and would quickly turn away.

Augustus stared at him, his eyes filled with curiosity. The first-encounter shyness had been quick to disappear. He now trotted towards Bellamy and caught his attention by pulling down his sleeve.

«Why are you wearing Dada’s clothes?»

«Because I don’t have mine».

«Where did you leave them? At school?»

«Not exactly…»

«I once left my clothes at school. We had PE and I had to change, but then I didn’t put the uniform back on. You know I have red shoes for when I play soccer?!» He looked so much like Octavia: same dark hair, same bright and lively eyes.

Octavia arrived to pick him up. «We’re running _really_ late Gus, how about you have a playdate with Uncle Bell later today? What do you say about that? Is that okay with you, Bell?»

Octavia said she’d told him stories about his lost uncle. Who was he to that kid? What should he do with him? Was he the best person to look after children?

Augustus smiled at him: «Yes! Playdate!»

«I mean, it’s not like I have much else to do…». Everyone was about to start their day, following their routine, and he barely knew how to close the front door. But he couldn’t say no to his nephew. He was _Uncle Bell_ , for fuck’s sake.

«Gosh, that’s right, what are going to do today?! I’d bring you with me, but…»

«He can come with me. Are you dressed?» asked Clarke, as she grabbed her coat and handbag. She was looking straight at him.

«Uh… yeah, yes, I am».

«Okay, let’s go».

Bellamy didn’t move. «The hell are you waiting for? Go, come on» said Octavia, pushing him towards the door. «Here, put this jacket on».

Bellamy was sitting in the front seat of the car as Clarke turned the engine on.

«I know it’s not the Rover…»

He scoffed as they exchanged a quick glance.

He had no idea what to say, but at the same time, he didn’t want an awkward silence to fall between them.

«So, where are we going?» 

«To the university lab. I’m working on a research project about– oh, wait, you’ll probably have no idea what I’m talking about».

«I suppose I won’t».

«Well, after we settled down here, we had to find something to do with our lives. In order to, you know, buy food, for once. I had a medical background and… let’s say an extensive _field expertise_. There was an opening in this big research project about human biology merged with technology, so I went for it».

«So you… research biology?»

«No, wait» she chuckled. «It’s a bit more complicated than that. That was the short version».

«You think I won’t understand the long one?» he teased playfully.

«That’s not what I meant!» she exclaimed.

«I’m kidding!! I’m kidding» he laughed. He noticed Clarke’s shoulders relax a little. «You’d be actually right, you know. Are there going to be any… familiar faces?»

«Actually, yes, a couple of years ago the team leader was promoted and they were looking for someone with an engineering background to replace him…»

«Raven?!»

«The one and only».

«About that. Where is everybody else?»

«Oh», Clarke hesitated. «Right». 

«It is bad news?» Bellamy tensed.

«It’s… I’m sorry, gosh, I should’ve told you as soon as I saw you».

«Out with it, Clarke. What is it?»

They had reached a red light. She paused and looked at him.

«It’s Echo».

Echo. He had just left her… he couldn’t even remember the last thing he’d told her. He’d left her in the tent with Gabriel and ran out to look for Octavia. He hadn’t even asked where she was when he arrived. Why would he? She was in the tent.

Five years earlier.

«Bellamy?» Clarke called him, a hand pressing on his shoulder.

«How?»

Clarke took a deep breath.

«Well. The anomaly was basically a wormhole, and it created a passage between worlds, which was activated by a specific stone that a certain Cadogan possessed. He was one of those who left Earth after the nuclear apocalypse, but something happened to his ship and we lost contact with them, much like we did with the people who arrived on Sanctum. He, too, was worshipped as a prophet: apparently, he talked about another species who had plans of testing the worthiness of survival of the human race through a war– the so-called Last War. The winners would transcend and leave forever behind the problems and the worries of an earthly life.

«In order to activate the test, he needed a Key, which was nothing less than the Commanders’ chip. Turns out that his people had been the first to come back down to Earth, where they met with Becca: they had the Key first, and from that moment it’s been passed on, Commander after Commander. He was looking for it, which means he was looking for us. For me and for Madi, specifically. When he found us… he and his disciples were ruthless. Nothing could stand in their way, because, as they said, they worked for a greater good and “for all mankind”, so a couple of losses didn’t really matter».

Bellamy noticed her voice had started shaking. He knew Clarke would have gladly sacrificed her own life if that meant that Madi would live. And she was now telling him that she had had to protect her from a whole army of brainwashed acolytes: that must have been a pretty violent blow for her. He could barely fathom how violent, exactly.

«Besides, they were merciless amongst themselves as well. They had a planet used for sentencing prisoners to total isolation for years: Octavia calls it Skyring, because this is how Hope called it. Oh, Hope… she’s Diyoza’s daughter, she was born on that planet the first time Diyoza and Octavia entered in the anomaly. Then… Well, long story short, Octavia jumped back to Sanctum and forgot everything in the process. The next time she saw Hope, was there when she arrived in Sanctum and stabbed her– you probably remember that. As it turns out, though, she didn’t actually stab her; I know it sounds crazy, but it was like this… I don’t know– some sort of special knife that makes you space travel without the anomaly».

Clarke paused. Bellamy felt almost guilty: she had a new life, she must’ve tried so hard to bury all those painful memories. And then, he’d gone and appeared out of thin air and everything must’ve come rushing back. 

Before he could say anything, she started talking again.

«Anyway, when Octavia disappeared, she arrived on Bardo. Gabriel, Echo and Hope entered the anomaly after you did, hoping to find either of you, but landed on Skyring. They stayed there for five years, before finally managing to jump to Bardo. When they got there, Octavia was there, and she had already witnessed your… disappearance. They were all captured, but then they managed to escape, except… except for Echo. We later found out that she pretended to have converted to their so-called faith: she must have thought she would have a better chance at survival that way. She was probably right, because she made it until the last fight. However, during the battle, she got badly wounded and none of us managed to get to her in time to save her. When I finally found her, it was already too late».

Clarke pulled the handbrake and stared at the building in front of her. Bellamy sat quietly. When she turned around, it was almost as though she was seeing him again for the first time. She got so lost in the memories that it was like she had forgotten Bellamy had come back from the dead less than a day before.

«I’m so sorry, I should have told you as soon as I saw you…»

«It’s okay. I’m fine» Bellamy took a deep breath. «Death on the battlefield. Azgeda style, huh?» He paused. «Are we there yet?»

«Yes, sure. Go on ahead», Clarke said as she unlocked the car.

Bellamy stepped out of the vehicle. He felt a sudden pressure on his chest. Echo had been a constant part of his life for six years. She still was for him, whereas for her… they had been apart for five years. And she was gone now. Had been for another five years. His head hurt, blood pumping through his veins furiously. Bellamy felt his eyes sting and his breath get cut short.

Clarke arrived from behind, he didn’t even notice her. She made him turn around and hugged him tightly.

«Let it out».

«Sorry, I…»

«What are you apologizing for?»

Bellamy buried his head in Clarke’s shoulder.

«It’s alright. It sucks. It won’t get better. You’ll learn to live with it».

Their gazes locked eyes.

«I’m here for you».

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay _oof_ – believe it or not this was extremely hard for me!!!!!!!!! Because I really wanted to find a legitimate way for becho to break up and I wasted hours and hours (and hours and hours and hours ... and hours) thinking about _how_ to make it happen but then I was just like Eh, fuck it. Sorry.  
> Moving on! Le me know what you think of this– we're almost halfway through the story! My twitter is always ([@fleablck](https://twitter.com/fleablck)) and I'll see you guys next Wednesday :) Have a great weekend!


	5. Chapter 5

“God, I missed you”, Clarke caught herself thinking. She felt Bellamy’s hair against her cheek, as he nuzzled the nape of her neck. She briefly closed her eyes, as every noise around her disappeared. She felt at ease. Serene.

“For heaven’s sake, have some self control” she scolded herself. “You just broke some terrible news to the man, and all you can think about now is, what? His hair?”. She let him go, almost embarrassed by her own thoughts.

«Come on, let’s go inside. Raven should be here».

Bellamy quickly rubbed his eyes off with the back of his hand. «Yeah. Sure. Let’s go».

The building was stunning. The facade was made entirely of glass, with black bricks to create contrast. The main entrance was crowded: people were moving up and down the two large white stairways. Clarke confidently headed for the long corridor sprawling behind them, which opened to a variety of different labs. In every one of those, Bellamy noticed groups of people moving from the steel tables on the sides to the computer stations in the middle of the rooms. There were countless mechanical arms working and huge wide screens on the walls. The closest thing to those spaces he could remember was Becca’s lab back on Earth.

«Follow me, it’s right through here», Clarke said.

They reached a white door with the name “Raven Reyes” printed on it. It was the only office they passed that wasn’t made of glass: “They _do_ know what privacy means, then”. Bellamy felt his palms sweating, even though he wasn’t consciously anxious. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but picture how the encounter would go. What would she say? How would she react?

Clarke knocked, but no one answered.

«Weird. Hold on a second, maybe she has headphones on» she said, as she tried to open the door.

The office was empty. «Raven?» 

«It’s fine,» Bellamy began, «we’ll look for–» he was interrupted by a sudden noise, followed by a shriek and a very loud «What the _fuck_? _Bellamy_?». He barely had the time to turn around when Raven jumped on him, the expression on her face halfway between crying and laughing.

«What the fuck?», she repeated, likely still thrown off by the fact that he’d actually been– well, solid. It was like déjà-vu.

«Got you the first time» Bellamy said.

She kept staring at him, disbelief almost etched into her skin. «Are you real? I thought you were dead».

«We all did» said Clarke evenly. 

«What… how… people don’t come back from the dead… when… when did this happen?» Raven asked as she put her hands on Bellamy’s arms, almost as if to check he was actually alive and not some kind of ghost. She looked at him with complete incredulity, unable to say even a single word. It sounded impossible, but he _was_ standing right there. And through the years Raven had learned that trusting her senses ( _all_ of her senses) was always a good idea.

«How about we take this somewhere more private?» Clarke suggested.

Raven looked around and noticed just then that everyone was staring at them through the glass walls. She _had_ screamed pretty loudly. She went to pick up the folders that fell from her hands as Bellamy and Clarke entered the office.

«Off you go, everyone! The Reyes Show is over for today» she said.

«Can’t wait for next episode!» someone answered back.

Raven closed the door behind her.

«Sorry about the mess» she said. To call it a “mess” was an understatement. The room was thankfully big enough to contain everything Raven might have needed, but no one else would have been able to find something in it. Mixed documents were scattered on the desk, the screens on the walls were showing all kinds of calculations at the same time, prototypes of different machines were laid down all down the floor. Bellamy looked around in awe: Raven’s brain was constantly working and forming new ideas. She always struggled to put them to work because she often lacked the right equipment, but she evidently didn’t have to worry about that anymore: her ideas could roam and run freely.

Raven sat down, her gaze still following Bellamy’s stance as close as it could. She turned to look at Clarke. When she spoke, her confusion rang out loud and clear: «Did you know?»

«When I came to your place? I had no idea, I swear».

«When, then?»

«Right after. I came home, got in, and– _poof_ ; there he was» Clarke said, gesturing at Bellamy.

«What, he just… appeared out of nowhere?»

«Apparently. Anna said he arrived three days before that».

« _Anna_ said?»

«Yeah, well, we weren’t home. We went on that trip we booked– what, like a lifetime ago, remember? Anna was supposed to come with us, but a professor of hers moved the exam dates and she had to stay home» explained Clarke. «When we came back, they left me at your place to go over those few things and then…» 

Raven looked at him again. The excitement and the shock were leaving room to questions. «But how?»

«I know less about it than you do» Bellamy said. «Everything I can tell you is that Octavia disappeared on Sanctum, I went to look for her, entered the anomaly and woke up here». 

«Anna is saying he actually time traveled», said Clarke.

«Time traveled? How?!» Raven’s eyes lit up at the thought of the endless consequences that possibility brought with.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

«Oh, shit, right» Raven said, standing up immediately.

«Were you waiting for someone? Should we leave?» asked Clarke.

«Yeah, I mean, no, you can stay… it’s…»

Before she could reach the handle, a man entered the room. Tall and skinny-looking, with scruff on his cheeks. “Less sunken than usual”, Bellamy noticed. This new life must had been treating John Murphy just about right.

«Jesus, and Emori says I can’t keep things in order. Every time I walk in here there’s more chaos than before». Murphy still hadn’t noticed Raven wasn’t alone.

«Hi, Murphy. There’s someone you should see».

Murphy turned around and his eyes immediately widened when he finally saw Bellamy standing behind Raven.

He stared at him for a couple of seconds.

«This yet another one of your mind twisting projects?» he asked Raven.

«I’m afraid-slash-happy to tell you that this has nothing to do with me. He just walked in on me a few minutes ago».

Murphy studied Bellamy, slightly raising his eyebrows.

«Is it weird that the most strange thing I can come up with about this is that you’re wearing… _Gabriel’s clothes_?» he asked. The tension in the room broke.

«Well, it’s not like I packed for the trip», Bellamy said.

«You– just…» Murphy quickly covered the distance between them and hugged him. Clarke and Raven exchanged a look: «Well, this is new».

«Oh, shut up».

«Here, sit down,» said Raven. «They were just telling me what happened». She moved some notebooks unsafely piled on a chair to draw it closer to the desk.

«Oh, no, don’t worry about it» said Murphy. «I’m in a rush, I just came to give you your… whatever this is» he said, handing a backpack over to her. «I’d really like to stay, but Emori will kill me if I don’t bring her this specific type of chocolate in the shortest time possible. Literally: she _will_ kill me».

«Yeah, cravings are a bitch. It was impossible to satisfy Octavia’s» Clarke said.

«Cravings? Is she…?» asked Bellamy.

«With a little gremlin? You guessed it! Seven months now» said Murphy, smiling. «Really unkind of you to show up like this, by the way, because your name was one of the possible picks we had».

«I find it really hard to believe that you would name your child after me».

«Oh, I wouldn’t. Emori would».

Bellamy chuckled.

«Look, you guys want to get out of here together?» said Clarke. Murphy was weirdly okay with the situation, while she still had to process it. She’d only brought Bellamy with her because she didn’t want him to be alone in the house the whole day. If she had to be honest with herself, though, she had no idea what to do around him. She had hoped for the impossible so badly, and now that it was reality…

«Whatever suits you», said Bellamy. Was he… relieved? Clarke wasn’t sure about the expression in his eyes.

«Yeah, you two can go on your little date» she said.

Raven scoffed. «Come on now. Murphy is taken!»

«Yeah, ha-ha, you’re so funny. Come on, let’s go. I’ll call you later,» Murphy said, looking at Clarke, «so you can tell me where to leave the man-sized package».

When the door closed behind them, Clarke let herself fall on the chair and exhaled loudly. Raven clapped her hands: «Oh yes! It’s breaking down hours!»

Clarke scoffed. «Do you realize what _just_ happened?»

«What, Murphy giving heart eyes to Bellamy the whole time?»

«Be serious».

«I’m dead serious!» Clarke rolled her eyes. «Okay, okay. I’m all ears. Why did you send him away?»

«I don’t know! I don’t know what to do with him! How to behave around him!»

«Just… like a normal person would?»

«Raven, he’s been dead for _five years_. What’s “like a normal person”? How are you so _calm_?!»

«Don’t mistake this for calmness! I’m just fairly certain that there is no significant threat associated with his apparent resurrection. Time travel? It’s new, sure, but it’s not something we can’t work with. Aren’t you happy he’s back?»

Clarke sighed. «I don’t know. It’s all so weird… I mean, how does he feel about us?»

Raven frowned. «What do you mean?»

«Not what you think I mean» said Clarke quickly.

«What is it that I think, exactly?» asked Raven, an angelic look on her face.

«What I mean is– what kind of perception does he have of us? I know I don’t feel the same way I felt five years ago towards some people».

«I don’t think _people_ would approach him differently than they would’ve five years ago, though».

Clarke gave her a deadly stare.

«What?! You know that it’s not a… how can I put it… shared issue. Sure, it’s not like I know how to behave with him, but I would go with trying to make him comfortable– as I suppose everyone is trying to do. We’re going through this just as much as he is. But, aside from that…» Raven let her words hang in the air.

Clarke turned around to look out of the window.

«It was just all so difficult» she eventually said.

Raven waited.

«I… I’d made my peace with the fact that he was gone, you know? It took me a long time, but I did. And it was so hard,» her voice started breaking, but Raven didn’t say a thing. She knew Clarke hated it when someone handed her a tissue.

«But I managed, we all did. Octavia did. And now he’s back, and, to him, everything is just as it was. You know that I had to tell him about Echo?» Raven closed her eyes and mouthed a silent “Shit”.

«Yeah! _Shit_ indeed! Whatever you’re thinking about… forget it. He basically just lost his girlfriend of six years, and you perfectly know that you need time to recover from that. And, on top of all that, we don’t even know if he’s here to stay!» Clarke realized her cheeks were wet and she quickly rubbed them with her sleeve.

«Wait, what do you mean?» Raven’s attention was immediately caught.

«Anna was talking about some kind of time loop. Since Octavia said that she saw Bellamy die on Bardo, that scene might be what is going to happen in his future. Something about timelines and time not being continuous» she said, with a confused look on her face.

«“Might” be? What’s the alternative?»

«That he actually traveled to Bardo and _then_ to here».

«But he said…»

«Travelling without a helmet might affect your memories, remember? He might have just forgotten everything and jumped two times».

«Is there any way to be certain?»

«Are you asking me?» said Clarke, her eyebrows raised.

Raven was clearly not listening to her anymore. Numbers and hypotheses started flowing in her mind. Clarke could practically follow her train of thoughts by now. It likely amounted to some facts: the anomaly was a wormhole. It was there because of a black hole nearby. There were studies about those things, someone must have theorized something– if not proved. She could find out. What if Bellamy wasn’t there to stay? What if it was a time loop? Was he doomed? Could they change the past? 

«Let me make a couple of calls. I know some people who could help us with this. I’ll catch up with you later, okay?» she told Clarke, her focus already shifting to the computer screen.

«Typical» Clarke chuckled.

«What? I’m doing this for you as well» Raven said.

«Thank you,» she said, leaving a kiss on her cheek. «I’ll be in the lab, if you need me» and closed the door behind her.

«Okay, I have no idea how she will react to this, so, you know, just… I don’t know. I’m just gonna go» said Murphy.

«I mean, how bad could it go? Plus, you do have the chocolate» said Bellamy. Unexplainably so, spending time with Murphy calmed him down. He was so worried about getting exactly what Emori asked that he couldn’t be bothered with other problems. Some people could be sure he was faking. Were that a fact, he would prove capable of providing– what was the word? Oh, yeah: _a shitshow._

Murphy opened the door. «I’m home! Please, tell me you still want that exact type of chocolate»

Emori came rushing out of the kitchen: «YES, finally!», she screamed, savagely opening the package Murphy handed her. «Oh my God, this tastes so good» she muttered.

«Good, thank God. Now, I think you might want to sit down for the next one» said Murphy, making her head towards the couch. She mumbled a “Yes”, completely absorbed in her tablet of chocolate.

Murphy looked around. Everything seemed to be normal. He really hoped the shock wouldn’t induce her into labor.

«Alright, now don’t scream». He looked over his shoulder: «Come on in».

Bellamy had been waiting just a little behind– that was the weirdest part of it all. They all tried to hide him, probably to get the others ready for the meeting. Which made sense, but then none of them really said anything to pave the way. He got mentally ready for a new set of shocked eyes and walked in.

Bellamy remembered how pregnant women walked around. He was there for his mother when she was pregnant with Octavia– years and years before, but he would never forget it. There was a certain fatigue and yet strength in every step she took. He remembered when she had to familiarize with her changing body: he couldn’t understand what went through her mind, but, day after day, saw how angry she was at herself for not being able to, say, stand up as quickly as the day before. That memory came rushing back when Emori jumped upright and ran to him.

«Ouch, that’s a mistake» she said, letting herself fall in his and Murphy’s arms, who’d quickly arrived to catch her. They sat on the ground.

«Will you ever be able to control yourself?!» he shouted.

«Ah, you’re way too paranoid, I’m just pregnant» she said, putting her hand over his mouth. «Bellamy» she whispered. Her eyes filled up with tears as she caressed his cheek.

«You look radiant. I was told congratulations are in order», he said, smiling at her. No shocked eyes. She was genuinely happy and relieved to see him. He felt a certain lump in his throat.

«Oh, this,» she put her hand on her round belly. «This is lasting way longer than the Let’s-Make-A-Baby part».

«I see, today must be national Let’s-Make-Murphy-The-Butt-Of-The-Joke day».

Emori ignored him and stretched her arms to hug Bellamy.

«I have no idea how you’re here. I don’t care. Everyone has been a mess». She took his face in her hands: «Oh, and, Echo…»

«Yeah» he said, feeling the blood rush to his face. «Clarke told me».

«I’m so sorry» said Emori, as Bellamy rubbed her back.

«Yeah. It’s fine. Come on, let’s get you up».

Emori leaned on him. «John, go make some coffee, would you?» At his grimace, she clarified: «Don’t look at me like that, he’s not as fragile as you!»

Murphy opened his arms in total despair and went to the kitchen, as Bellamy and Emori sat back on the couch.

«Get comfortable. I have a lot to catch you up on», she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was way longer than the others lmao well! Shit is about to get real!! I had to give a baby to Murphy and Emori I just had to look at me filling Murphy's life with joy and happiness who would've thought not me!!!  
> I hope you liked this, will always love a comment and/or a tweet ([@fleablck](https://twitter.com/fleablck)) if you want andddd we'll meet up again with Uncle Bell on Saturday <3


	6. Chapter 6

_Her brother was back_. 

Octavia’s mind couldn’t process anything else. When Gabriel dropped her at the office that morning, he gave her a not-so-thinly veiled warning. «We’re not sure about anything yet».

She didn’t want to think about that, though. She knew Gabriel was just saying it to keep her from deluding herself; he had been there for her when all she could feel was rage and pain, after all. He _knew_. He knew and he didn’t want her to fall into the same black hole again. And she loved him for that. Looking at the worry that had spread all over his face, she felt every ounce of its weight hit her chest like a fresh blow; warmth following like a gentle shadow as though the last five years had been compressed in a single second. 

Octavia smiled softly as she reached over to the driver’s seat to leave a quick kiss on his lips. «I know. That’s the beauty of it».

«I don’t want you to…»

«I know that, too».

Octavia suddenly felt so lucky. Gabriel had only briefly met with Bellamy five years before, and yet there he was, ready to give him his bed and his clothes; worrying about what would have happened to him just because of what he meant to her, even though he had no idea about how to interact with him. He was the most caring and giving person she had ever met.

When Octavia found out she was pregnant, she knew everyone around her thought she wouldn’t keep it. She had given that possibility some thought, to be completely honest with herself, and she would have gone through with it, if she hadn’t had Gabriel by her side.

«There’s something you need to know», she’d said, worried her uneasiness would somehow leak into such a brief sentence.

«I’m pregnant». She could almost feel his heart beating faster.

«How long have you known?» She couldn’t quite place his reaction.

«Couple of weeks».

«What do you want to do?» Why was he so cold? There was no joy nor fright.

«I don’t know yet…» thin, feeble uncertainty. That was all she had managed.

«Well,» he moved closer, «whatever you choose, you can count on me». Luck had struck her.

And then, Augustus was born. Lucky, again. And now, there was Bellamy. _Her brother was back_. Lucky, lucky, lucky. “Please, please, please… you know what I mean”.

Gabriel sighed. «Who’s picking Gus up?»

«I am. I’m taking the bike, he’s spending the afternoon with Bell. I’ll call you if I need anything, okay?» she said, as she got out of the car.

«Sure. Be safe. Love you».

«Love you too».

_Her brother was back_. The thought was like a pendulum; somehow, it kept coming back into focus, echoing like a firework against her skull.

Augustus ran into her arms when the bell rang. «Where’s Uncle Bellamy?»

«We’re going to pick him up» she said, «he’s at Murphy’s place».

«Oh yes!» Gus grinned. Murphy and Emori’s place usually meant extra chocolate.

«Not so fast, young man. You make one wrong move and I’ll treat you to a good chat more than anything else» she told him, handing him his helmet. He put it on and climbed on the back seat of the bike.

Emori was waiting for them outside of the house when they arrived.

«Here’s my favorite curly haired boy!» she said, as Augustus ran to hug her, his helmet still on.

«Your belly is so big!» he screamed, putting his hand on Emori’s bump.

«I know, right?! And, you know what? If you wait just a couple of seconds… oh!» a kick.

«OH!»

«Did you feel that?»

«Yes!! That was so strong!» He looked straight at Emori’s belly and said, almost sternly, «don’t hurt her». She laughed.

«Come on, let’s go. I have a new tablet of chocolate, you want to try it? What does Mom say about it?» she said, as Octavia approached.

«Uhm… I guess that a small piece could be allow–»

«Thank you, thank you Mommy!» said Gus, hugging her legs.

They all walked in and found Murphy and Bellamy sitting at the kitchen table.

 _Her brother was back,_ the thought rang again. 

Augustus approached them with his mouth full of chocolate.

«You here to empty my fridge?» asked Murphy. The kid stuck his tongue out.

«Can we play?» he asked Bellamy.

«Sure we can!» he said. Octavia thought she’d seen something in his eyes… she couldn’t exactly pinpoint the word she was looking for. She suddenly felt tense. Bellamy being back was everything she could have ever asked for, and she wouldn’t lose him again, no matter what science said. But she hadn’t actually stopped to think about how he must have felt, yet. His world had disappeared in a snap as had the people around him. The people he’d cared about. “Oh God,” she immediately thought, “does he know about Echo?”. Octavia felt selfish and ashamed while keeping her eyes on Bellamy and Augustus as they played in the living room. He would never say no to a kid– let alone to his own nephew, she knew that. And yet– she couldn’t help but wonder, _is this too much too fast?_

The pressure of Murphy’s hand on her arm melted her thoughts away, like sunlight dispersing fog. «You okay?»

«Yeah, fine,» she said, sitting down. She lowered her voice and tried to ask, «does he know about…»

«Yes, he does», said Emori. «Clarke told him about her. He actually knows everything. About Cadogan, the war, about us travelling to this galaxy after it and about its inhabitants».

Octavia sighed. «I feel terrible, I only thought about how happy I was to have him back and I completely forgot about everything else».

«That’s only normal! Don’t be so hard on yourself» Emori’s tone was warm. She had likely been through something similar herself and was trying to ease her worries. “That would take a while”, Octavia mused _._ “But she deserved points for her effort” _._

«How do you think he’s holding up?» asked Octavia. The concern didn’t seem to go away. «I mean, with all the the-last-memory-I-have-of-you-is-not-of-the-person-you-are-today kind of thing».

«I think he’s holding up just fine» said Murphy with a shrug. «If you don’t act weird with him, he won’t act weird with you». Octavia didn’t look convinced.

«Look,» he said, «Bellamy’s a tough guy. Sure, this is very different than waking up and finding out that your beloved pregnant wife ate your leftovers because “ _I was craving fried chicken, John!_ ” even though that was lasagna therefore it made _no sense_ – but, still, it’s not the first fucked up thing that happened to him. Remember when we landed on a possibly toxic planet? How about when we were wanted for blood transfusions? Remember when an artificial intelligence wanted to destroy our world? And when we had to fly to outer space for six years? When I got stuck in a bunker for months? When you got stuck in a bunker for _years_?»

«Your point?»

«My point is– he skipped out on the last five years. Okay. Let’s do everything we can to make him at ease».

Octavia looked back at the living room, where Gus was standing over Bellamy and… possibly pretending he was his surf board?

«Alright, I’m just gonna say this _once_ – I think you might be right».

«Sorry, what was that!?» smiled Murphy, as Octavia checked the message alert she just received.

«I said _once_ ,» said Octavia, before turning over to talk to Bellamy and Augustus. «Should we get going? Gabriel is coming in a bit to pick us up with the car, he just texted».

Augustus was unstoppable: he wanted to play every game and he wanted to hear every story.

«Is it true that you rescued Mom when she was stuck underground?»

“Gosh, I really am the hero of his bedtime stories”. Nice legacy.

«Is that what she told you?» asked Bellamy, with a slight grin. 

«Yes, she said that you watched over her from the sky and that one day you went back on the ground to rescue her. And then she said that you went back to the sky, but that it was to rest because there are no more dangers to be rescued from now».

Bellamy was left speechless for a couple of seconds. The way Gus insisted on using the word “rescue” made him think about what Octavia might have been saying about him. Had she been honest? Probably not to a five-year-old. She also thought he was dead. She probably tried to bury every regret and decided to focus only on the good. Not that he was complaining: had she decided to tell Gus about the day he brought her to her first dance, but then decided to omit her subsequent arrest… he hadn’t always been the perfect big brother. _To rest because there are no more dangers to be rescued from now_. “My sister, my responsibility”.

«So? Is it true?»

«More or less, yeah». He didn’t really feel that it was his place to explain a radioactive apocalypse to a kid.

«And is it true that you like spinach?»

Bellamy was caught off guard.

«Spinach?»

«Yes, Mommy says that it makes you strong and that you always ate it and this is why you’re so strong. Can you lift me and make me do the airplane?»

Bellamy laughed: «Sure I can. Because I’ve eaten plenty of spinach».

When Octavia entered Augustus’ room, she found Bellamy lifting him as high as he could, and the kid screamed with glee. «Woah, what’s going on here?»

«Uncle Bell is making me fly! Look, Mom, I’m a spaceship!!»

«A spaceship that’s about to lose fuel, though! You’re not a baby anymore, hon, you’re going to tire your Uncle out!»

«Oh, don’t worry about me,» said Bellamy, ready to make Gus do another spin, «We have made clear that I’m super strong because I eat my veggies. That’s what the little monster says, anyway».

«I’m famished» said Madi, as she stormed in the kitchen. «What’s for dinner?»

«Don’t know, did you make something already?» said Gabriel, as he stirred the boiling pasta in the pot.

«Gosh, you’re so funny. He’s so funny,» she said, looking at Octavia, «I don’t know how you cope». She noticed Augustus sitting comfortably on Bellamy’s shoulders as he walked in the room: «You think you’re going to climb down or you want to be the king of the world, kiddo?»

«King of the world!!!» screamed Gus, throwing his hands in the air.

Clarke walked in: «Auntie Clarke!» He started to move his legs around to tell Bellamy he wanted to get down.

«Ouch, careful, you’re going to strangle me».

Clarke couldn’t help but giggle at the clumsy scene. It was so beautifully _normal_. Bellamy was clearly more relaxed and in his element than when she’d left him with Murphy: spending time with Gus must’ve played a big part in that. He had always had a special care for children.

Plus, they looked really cute together.

“Focus”. Augustus ran to hug her.

«Hey, buddy, how are you? How was school?»

«Good. You know I can write your name now?»

«Can you also write the K-sound?»

«Yes! I’ll show you later, I got super good at that».

«Attaboy! And what did you do after school?»

«Playdate with Uncle Bell» he said, gesturing towards Bellamy. «You know he can make me fly like a spaceship?»

«I bet he can» said Clarke, looking over at him. Bellamy was following the conversation with a slight smile on his face.

“Really cute,” Clarke thought. “Extremely heartwarming and endearing, even… Oh, for God’s sake, Griffin. Get your act together”.

Thankfully, Gabriel distracted her. «I’ve been thinking,» he said as he put the pasta on the plates, «there’s something we haven’t thought about: why did Bellamy’s portal open right here and right now?»

«This kind of question should be for Anna,» said Madi. «I think we can all agree she’s the one with more knowledge about the subject among us».

«Well, where is Anna? Dinner is read–»

«I’m here, I’m here, I’m sorry, I was revising. You know, exam day is tomorrow… do you need me?» she said as she sat down.

«Do you have any idea why the anomaly took Bellamy right here and not, say, to another city?»

«Well, I’m not sure, but it could be that the thought of Octavia brought him where she was».

«This sounds a bit too much like a fantasy novel» said Madi.

«Oh, yeah, ‘cause the rest of our lives were definitely a neorealistic piece of art» argued Octavia.

«Let’s say it’s true,» said Gabriel. «Why now? Why not five years from now? Why not two years ago?»

Anna put her fork down. «Well, that’s actually a good question».

Everyone waited for her to continue, but she didn’t say anything else.

«Thank you,» said Gabriel. «Do you have an answer?»

«How did you say the anomaly used to work?»

«It was activated by the anomaly stone, which would basically give the right coordinates for the portal».

«Well then… I don’t know, it could be that the stone had been activated at some point in time to bring someone here, and that Bellamy got through the anomaly just in that moment».

«Is it a definitive answer?»

«Nope,» said Anna, «but it’s a valid possibility. We could know for sure if you knew of a moment when someone activated the stone and traveled to the future».

«Can we maybe have dinner like a regular family and keep the time travel talk for another time?» asked Clarke. She had noticed Bellamy tensing up in the blink of an eye.

«Yeah, sorry,» said Gabriel, who realized what she was worried about just by following her glance. «How’s the pasta?»

Bellamy was looking at the pictures hung on the wall when Clarke approached him.

«Hey».

«Gosh, you startled me» he fake-gasped with a grin.

She smiled and looked back at the pictures. «This is right after Gus was born» she said, pointing at one where she was with Octavia in a hospital room. «Gabriel took basically all of them, he says he doesn’t really like to be photographed. This one… lord, Octavia was drained– as you can clearly see. But he was so excited, he had to take the pic».

Octavia was holding what looked like a bundle of blankets– but it must’ve been a newly born Augustus. Her hair was badly tied up and she was wearing one of those hospital gowns they usually give to the patients. Clarke was next to her: judging from the position of her arms, Bellamy guessed she had just passed the baby to the mother. They both looked extremely tired, but there was a certain light in the smiles they were giving Gus. He really wished he had been there for his sister.

«Anyway, I’m going to sleep», Clarke said.

Bellamy felt her hand on his back, as she raised herself on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

«Goodnight».

«Goodnight», he said, following her with his gaze until she disappeared to her room.

Bellamy swiftly touched the spot where her lips had touched him.

He gave one last look to the pictures and then headed for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this was fluffy as hell, _indulge me_ , but I love the Blake's and the thing I'm most bitter about is that they didn't have the closure they deserved on the show so I wrote *a lot* about them. But you'll get bellarke ;) on Wednesday ;) ;) See ya ;) ;) ;)


	7. Chapter 7

As the days passed by, the awkwardness that surrounded everyone who bumped into Bellamy again slowly faded away.

His days were mostly spent hanging at Murphy’s, regardless of which roommate he had for the day. He relished both John and-slash-or Emori’s company.

«Don’t you have a job to do?» he dared ask John one day.

His reply was a simple snicker. «Believe or not, I’m a book author. I write sci-fi novels».

Bellamy stared at him in shock. John Murphy, a writer? What had the world come to? «You’re kidding me, right?»

«I’m not! Well, at least it’s sci-fi to these people. I basically write about our lives on the Ark. Weirdly enough, the most hated character of my series is the Chancellor…»

He would pick Gus up from school and spend the afternoon with him– the boy absolutely loved doing that.

Sometimes, he would meet with Octavia for lunch and listen to her babble about her coworkers.

Raven would call him daily to update him on the job-hunt.

He even started to look for a place to stay that he could call his own with Gabriel’s help.

The only person who was still elusive was Clarke. One day, Madi noticed his gaze fixed on her.

«Just give her some time,» the girl he remembered as a teen suggested.

At her seemingly knowing words, he was shaken out of his dreamlike state. «Sorry?»

Madi nodded towards Clarke. «It wasn’t easy for her. I believe I already told you this– do you have any idea how much she cares about you?» she said with a wink.

Unbeknownst to either of them something was about to change, but Bellamy wasn’t sure he was ready for that.

Bellamy walked in the living room, where Clarke was sitting at the table in front of her computer. She was so absorbed in her work that she barely noticed someone had entered the room.

«Should I turn the light on?» he asked. 

She startled. «Oh, it’s you. Yeah, sure».

«Sorry» he said, plopping down a chair at the opposite end of the table. «Are you still working?»

She sighed, without taking her eyes off of the screen. «More or less. What time is it?»

«Nine-thirty».

«Yeah, I’m just–» she closed the computer and collected her paperwork. «I think I’m gonna go to my room».

«You going to bed?» Bellamy asked. He couldn’t name what he was feeling, but he knew he wanted to spend the night with her. He felt overconfident and insecure at the same time; Clarke was clearly tired, but he didn’t want to leave her there alone. He tried telling himself that he just wanted to get things back to normal with her as well– but he knew damn well it was a lie and that there was something more. There had always been something more.

«What else should I be doing in my room?» she said. He may have imagined it, but he felt like Clarke didn’t really want to leave him either.

«I think the correct question should be “What else should I be doing – _question mark_ ”».

«Is that so?» she said. A smirk peeped on her face. He was most certainly not going to leave Clarke be. «Alright then, what else should I be doing, _question mark_?»

«You tell me» he replied smugly. «What do you do around here on a Friday night, after a long, hard week of work?» Bellamy felt as if he had lost complete control over his words, his heart beating tumultuously.

Clarke took a long look at him, as if she was trying to gauge his intentions. What _were_ his intentions, though? Bellamy himself had no clue. «Fine», she said eventually, as she went to her room to leave the pile of stuff she had been working on, «we’ll go to the pub. Are you ready for that?»

The place was busy and the music was loud. Clarke’s cheeks turned red from the heating and the alcohol– their pints were, after all, emptying quickly. Bellamy found himself observing her movements: a lock of hair put back behind her ear. Her lower lip bitten in a whiff. Her fingers twisting around her beer glass. Her eyes following the people around them.

Clarke noticed Bellamy staring at her. «Why are you looking at me like that?»

«No reason» he said, before taking another sip. «Happiness looks good on you» he smiled. Clarke scoffed. She had gotten the reference and apparently that memory took an immediate toll on her. «Am I saying this to the real you, this time?» Bellamy asked.

«Oh, fuck you» she laughed. She gestured towards the bar to get a refill. «So,» she continued, «how is everything going?»

«Pretty well, I’d say. I don’t mind this new normal».

«Yeah, same. It’s nice having to worry exclusively about deadlines and not about the extinction of the human race».

The bartender approached them with their new pints in hand. «For the nice couple».

«Oh, no,» said Clarke, «we’re not a couple».

«Is that right?» he replied, looking at Bellamy.

«You heard her» he said, leaning back on his chair. He couldn’t help but notice how Clarke’s face went purple. Did he… like that?

«Well,» said the bartender, «better odds for the rest of us».

“As if” thought Bellamy, his glance still fixated on Clarke.

«Okay,» she said, as if trying to clean the air, «we were saying?»

«Normal life».

«Normal life!», Clarke echoed. She took a sip and a bit of foam dirtied her upper lip. She cleaned it with the back of her hand. «Besides, Madi loved it here since day one. Well, probably due to Anna».

«Right, about Madi and Anna– and don’t take this the wrong way, but what’s the deal with them?»

Clarke smiled eloquently. «What do you think?»

«I said don’t take this the wrong way!»

«No, seriously», her smile was now a genuine laugh. «What does it look like to you? Anna living in our house? With Madi?»

«Are they… you know…»

«Yes, Bellamy, you can say it. They’re gay!»

«Okay, it was just for clarity’s sake!» he tried to defend himself.

«Yeah, ‘cause you could have mistaken them for _really good friends_ » Clarke mocked him. «They met in school, Anna was a Godsend. She had a complicated family situation, we had a spare bed and a house closer to the university, so when they enrolled we all thought it best to let her move in».

«Well, good for them!» he asserted. Clarke chuckled.

Bellamy decided to go all in. It was now or never, after all. «How about you?»

«What about me?» she quickly said. Was she expecting it?

«What’s going on with you? “Real good friends”-wise?» he teased her.

«Oh, my days are over» Clarke said, giving her whole and undivided attention to her pint. «I need to be the responsible Auntie, now».

«I always thought about Aunties as the drunk ones with presents at family parties».

«What can I say,» she shrugged, «I’m shattering stereotypes». There was a certain sparkle in her eyes, but Bellamy wasn’t sure what it meant– if it even meant something. He might have imagined it altogether. His brain started and froze, stuck on various musing about how beautiful Clarke’s eyes looked in the pub’s yellowish lights and he realized that he was on his fifth beer, now comfortably buzzed.

He clapped his hands on his thighs. «Should we go for a walk?»

The sky was filled with stars– nothing like they’d ever seen on Earth. Bellamy was left speechless every night. Clarke noticed how his eyes filled with marvel when they stepped out of the pub. His chin pointed upwards, following his eyes as he stared at the night sky.

When a rebellious lock of hair fell over his eyes in a dark wave, Clarke felt the urge to put it back in place.

She felt like a teenager again, unable to control and rationalize her passions. She wasn’t a teenager anymore, though. And yet, there she was, staring at Bellamy’s profile as though she was the protagonist of one of those cheesy rom-coms Anna loved, desperately wanting to create some kind of physical contact with him.

“It’s not just you, though. He was clearly trying to flirt with you back there” said a voice in her mind. She shook her head, trying to send the thought away.

«Come on, let’s go» she said, shaking him.

“Arm touch”.

They started walking around the almost empty streets. Despite the crowds in the restaurants, they were almost alone except for some passerby here and there. Clarke felt an awkward silence slowly falling between them; it felt thick as a fog, and she desperately thought about something to say. Why was it so weird? She had never felt like this with Bellamy. He looked way more relaxed than her, though. Was she overthinking this?

“Of course you are”.

Of course she was.

Over the years, Clarke had gotten pretty hammered with Raven a couple of times. She knew about a saying the Latins used to have– _in vino veritas_. And when Raven was around, wine would just flow non-stop. One time, they’d ended up talking about Bellamy’s death, and Clarke found herself sobbing in Raven’s arms.

«I just… I wish I had more time with him, I wish I told him how important he was to me and to everyone, I just wish he knew», she told her whimpering.

«He knew», said a teary Raven, trying her best to calm her down.

«But I never _told_ him! All that _bullshit_ about the head and the heart– can you believe me?» she said, violently wiping her tears away. «I had to make up a metaphor because I wasn’t physically able to say a couple of words to him! It wasn’t fucking rocket science! _I love you_ , was that fucking hard? And now he’s dead and he will never hear that from me. Ever».

Clarke sat down, grabbing her glass to fill it up again.

Raven looked at her, weighing her thoughts. «Did you love him?»

Clarke sighed, deflated. «This will never leave this room».

«Did you?», she insisted.

Clarke hesitated. «It’s not like the past is going to change».

«Just answer me, for fuck’s sa–»

« _Yes_ , okay? Yes, I did, I loved him, are you happy? What are you going to do about it? Will this change the fact that he’s dead? No. Will this change the fact that I never told him? No, it won’t».

Raven sat in silence. Clarke felt the veins in her head pumping– she had way too much wine.

«Why didn’t you?» she asked, eventually.

«Why didn’t I _what_?» Clarke groaned.

«Tell him».

«Oh, I don’t know, because you fucked off in space for _six years_? Because when he came back _he had a fucking girlfriend_? Because we went to bloody cryo-sleep for God knows how long? Because when we arrived on Sanctum I was practically dead for a while? You name it!» Clarke exclaimed. Raven’s calmness was irritating her.

«We thought you were dead» she said, after a while. «In space, I mean. We thought you were dead and that we would have died up there. And then we came back and there you were. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Echo, but I spent six years side by side with Bellamy. He had a different light in his eyes when I saw him with you».

Clarke stared at her, as she felt her eyes welling up again. «Why are you telling me this?»

«I don’t know. Maybe it’s gonna bring you closure,» she said. «I think he loved you too. But I think it was something… different than mere love. That head and heart thing you said… that’s more like it. You both completed and mirrored each other. You kept each other stable and were there for the other when needed. You found each other, and then had to learn to live alone again… but this didn’t change anything. I could see it when you were together. Everyone could» Raven concluded with a shrug. Clarke realized she was pretty drunk: she would have never told her that sober. 

The head and the heart.

“When the head stops telling the heart to beat, it’s over” Gabriel had said that time. Bellamy became the head and brought her back to life. But she would have never been able to do the same.

They were walking next to the river that flowed across the city.

«It’s weird,» said Bellamy, «this place looks so much like Earth, and yet…»

«It also gets as cold as it used to get on Earth» said Clarke, wrapping her arms around her body. She immediately felt Bellamy pulling her closer to him, holding her under his arm to warm her up. It worked. All it took was a few instants and she wasn’t cold anymore.

«Oh» she exclaimed as her stomach disappeared under her feet.

«Is it the cold giving you goosebumps or is it me?» he grinned.

Clarke glanced over at him, pressing her arm around his waist. They kept on walking.

Clarke’s brain was going at full speed. What was going to happen? Was something about to happen or was she making every warning sign up? Had she misread his expressions? She thought she caught him staring at her– was it just a coincidence? Did he notice she was obsessively looking at his hands? She felt the pressure of his arm on her back– she was way too conscious about it. She was so close to his chest that she could almost feel his heartbeat. Could he feel hers? Gosh, it was going full speed.

Clarke saw the creperie on the other side of the street and took her chance: «Fancy a crêpe?»

«A _what_?», he said.

«It’s a French thing. Come on, you’ll love it».

They ordered two chocolate crêpes and sat on nearby steps to eat it. Bellamy finished his in a split second: «This thing is delicious», he said, licking the chocolate from his finger.

«Oi! Are you a three year old? Use a napkin!»

«Mmmh nope,» he said, «it’s way better like this».

Clarke laughed, her mock-reproach evaporating. «Well, I actually agree– but don’t tell Gus».

Bellamy smiled and looked at her. «Wait, you got some…»

He wiped her lip with his finger.

Clarke froze, the feeling of the pad of his thumb at her lips sending little heat waves to her every nerve.

She felt her head spinning. She lost grip on her crêpe and it fell– but neither of them noticed. Clarke rooted in her spot, frozen: she was desperately trying to hold back from him, so much that her hands were shaking from the effort. She had no idea what to do, nor think: in fact, she was not thinking at all, and then everything happened so fast.

Bellamy moved his hand to the back of her head and pulled her closer. His fingers tangled where her hair met the neck, the warmth of his rough palm on her soft skin.

Clarke closed her eyes as she felt his lips on hers.

The surroundings disappeared and their only concern became the other.

Bellamy threaded a hand through her blonde locks, tangling his fingers in it. Clarke pressed herself against him, stroking his back underneath his jacket to feel the heat of his body. Her heart was racing, pounding like drums through her shirt: she thought her ribcage would have broken by the sheer force of it. Clarke let herself dive into the raw emotion that knotted her stomach tightly, savoring every bit of the kiss that lasted for what seemed to be an eternity, her breathing running short as Bellamy slowly shifted his attention from her mouth to her neck.

Bellamy felt his insides flutter, as Clarke’s scent hypnotised him. He felt a rush of recklessness as she drew nearer. He couldn’t believe it was happening: what the hell had he been waiting for? If he had to be honest with himself, he had been terrified by it. He had always been the impulsive type, but he thought that there should be certain limits and boundaries, and Clarke always made him feel like he was just about to cross them. And then what they had grew into something that went beyond carnal passion, and then he left, and then… but now nothing mattered anymore– past, present, future, life or death: he only cared about Clarke’s soft and tender kiss. And he couldn’t get enough of it.

A reel of memories flashed through Clarke’s mind as time stopped whenever she parted her lips and felt him washing over her like a wave. She took a breath, and it smelled like vigorousness, like determination and like tenderness. It smelled like Bellamy.

When they separated, he didn’t let go of her. Their forehead touched as they let silence fall between them. Calm, serene silence. Clarke felt at peace, finally free to do and say whatever she wanted. She felt alive.

She opened her eyes and looked at Bellamy. She could count every freckle on his face.

«Come on,» she whispered, «let’s go back home».

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELL TO THE FUCKING YES  
> INSERT SIGH OF RELIEF
> 
> One quick thing before going: on Monday I published the first part of a bellarke/folklore triangle AU that I wrote with a wickedly talented friend of mine, so if you are maybe on the lookout for some teenage angst drama, [check it out here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27433912/chapters/67061890)! I'll see you on Saturday <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little bit of soft porn I guess?  
> I want you all to stay safe so if possible characters deaths trigger you, please read carefully

Could the human brain get stuck on a memory? Bellamy couldn’t stop thinking about the night before. He looked at the crumpled bed sheets around him, as glimpses of memory tickled his mind.

Clarke’s hair on the pillow.

Clarke’s skin under his fingers, his worshipping touch following the curves of her body. The trail of his kisses like a journey through unmapped territories.

Clarke’s hips under his pressing, avid, mouth. Clarke weighing on him, her legs around his hips, bare skin on bare skin.

Clarke’s hands up in his hair, and then down to explore every inch of his body– fervent, delicate and wild. Her mouth tracing his lines, her teeth leaving red marks here and there.

Clarke’s whispers in his ear. The sound of his name on her lips. Her name curling up in his throat, coming out low and loud enough for only her to hear.

Clarke’s body restlessly intertwined with his. One time. Two times. Too many times to count.

He hadn’t felt like that in a very long time. The rush, the excitement, the softness and tenderness, the passion and the hurt– it all awakened his senses. He had let himself get swept away at every one of Clarke’s touches, as she guided him through their sleepless night. He was pretty sure that that’s what it meant to feel alive.

Was he going insane? His mind would keep on replaying every scene endlessly. He was downright giddy. Murphy and Raven would tease him for a while, but honestly? He didn’t care one flimsy bit.

He turned over. She was peaceful by his side, the sunlight glimmering in her blonde hair. The impulse to reach out and touch her again almost had his hand curling around her hair, but– she was still asleep. “Down, boy”. 

When Clarke woke, sleepiness still lingering in the frame of her body, she spent a considerable amount of time blinking at him. Her hand slipped and dove; wandering under the duvet until it could tighten around his.

«Morning» she said, with a feeble smile.

«Hi». Bellamy brought her hand to his lips, leaving a delicate kiss on her knuckles.

They both waited, almost frozen; almost as though neither really believed this was something more than a mere recurring dream. Clarke moved first, snuggling up against his chest.

«I can’t believe this happened» she said.

«I know» said Bellamy, his face buried in Clarke’s hair. He felt his whole body electrify, as she gently scratched his arms.

«We should get up» said Clarke, still rolled up against his chest.

«I know» he repeated, holding her tighter.

As Bellamy closed his eyes, wishing for that moment to never end, he remembered when they were kids just arrived on the Ground and saw rockets fly in the sky. “Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?” Clarke had asked him. “I don’t even know what to wish for”, he said. He lied. He had always known, just like he knew now. 

Clarke turned over to face him and their mouths met again. Bellamy felt her teeth under his lips as she opened up in a wide smile: «We should _really_ get up», she said.

«Mh-mh» he muttered, refusing to let her go. «Just one here,» a kiss on her cheekbone, «one here,» on her forehead, «one here,» on the tip of her nose, «one…»

Clarke laughed as she wriggled out of his arms.

«Get dressed, we have guests for lunch» she said, heading for the wardrobe.

Bellamy sat upright, and yet his tone remained low. «I’d honestly rather stay here and watch you».

«Well,» she said, «that’s fair, but I mean that _people_ are about to come _back_ here. _Someone_ might even be asking herself why her brother didn’t sleep in his room last night».

Shit. Everyone else was still there.

«Fuck, right– gosh, I hope she doesn’t think I ran away…»

«She doesn’t. Our jackets are downstairs» said Clarke. Bellamy felt a sudden perturbation in his bones, almost as if he was afraid that Octavia and everyone else found out about him and Clarke. He couldn’t really say why: he just wanted to keep the magic between them.

Clarke noticed his silence and went to sit next to him. She took his hand, their fingers intertwining.

«Sorry,» he said, «I don’t…»

«It’s fine,» said Clarke, «it’s crazy. I’d been hoping for this moment for so long and now I just want to keep it for myself».

«Yes, exactly!» he exclaimed.

She looked at him, a witty smile on her face. «Yes to what? Hoping for this for so long?» she teased him.

Bellamy chuckled as he felt his shoulders relax. They would’ve faced the day like they had always done: together.

Octavia was alone in the kitchen. When Bellamy walked in, she looked at him with a broad smile.

«Well, good morning to you, my beautiful ray of sunshine».

Yeah, she knew.

«Is there some coffee?» he asked, trying to ignore her as best as he could.

«Absolutely yes, there’s coffee. You want scrambled eggs? Bacon? I bet you must be craving a _very_ nutritious breakfast…» she continued.

Bellamy looked at her: «Coffee is fine, thank you». He couldn’t help but smile.

«Suit yourself» she said, a grin all over her face. «Is room service on the table? Do you need a tray?»

«Go screw yourself».

Octavia giggled.

«What?»

«Well… you first». She screamed and ran out of the room as he threw a cloth at her.

Keys jingled in the lock as the door opened: Gabriel entered the kitchen with heavy shop bags in hand. Bellamy went to help him when Augustus saw him and threw himself at him.

«Uncle Bell!!! I came to wake you up this morning but you weren’t with Mom» he muttered, clearly displeased.

«You’re right, I wasn’t…» said Bellamy. Kids and their innocence. He settled on, «I… I went out for a run! You wanna come next time?»

Gus thought about it: «I think I’ll pass, I like to sleep».

Bellamy laughed and put him down. «Let’s help Dad with the bags, shall we?»

Clarke and Octavia entered the room together. They booth looked at Bellamy, the former warmly and the latter sarcastically, before Augustus abandoned his Dad and Uncle to get picked up by Octavia.

«You’re getting heavy, young man, soon she won’t be able to pick you up like this anymore.» Clarke grinned fondly. In response, Gus stuck his tongue out.

They started moving around the house to get everything ready for lunchtime. Murphy and Emori were due to arrive in a short time with first courses, while Raven was supposed to pick up a cake at a near-by bakery and Bellamy helped Gabriel with the second courses. 

«Ooh,» said Madi when entering the room, «what’s the occasion?»

«Bellamy’s the occasion» said Octavia. She looked at her brother and added, «we never celebrated properly». He smiled at her.

«I’m gonna go and choose the wine» said Anna. She grabbed Madi’s hand and headed for the door.

«Raven’s already bringing…» tried Clarke, but they were already gone. No big deal: no one would have complained.

Bellamy looked around: Octavia and Clarke were setting the table, Gus was quietly playing in a corner and Gabriel was moving back and forth from the oven. Someone had put some music on. It was all so beautifully normal.

When they got to the dessert, Octavia had already had one drink too many. She took her champagne glass and stood up: «A toast!»

Raven tried to get her to sit down, but Murphy quickly grabbed his glass and echoed: «Yes, a toast!»

«Thank you!» said Octavia. «So. To my brother,» she said, looking at Bellamy, «who attempted to kill the Chancellor just to get sent to the Ground with me. To all the times I decked you and to all the times I just thought about doing it. Thank you for being so emotionally unstable that you walked into a random green light just to find me. I love you, big brother».

«That was a weird toast» he said, standing up and going to her. His hand snaking across her back, he kissed the top of her head gently. «I love you too».

«To Bellamy!»

Gus tried to sneak in between the two of them. Octavia felt him pushing against his legs. «Watch it! Are you jealous?», she said as Bellamy picked him up, laughing.

«Stay there just a second!» said Madi, running to her room. She came back with a photo camera in her hands. «Say “cheese”» she instructed as they struck a pose.

The Blake’s had their family portrait.

Everyone went back to their seats and the cake was passed around. As the chatting around the table intensified and Bellamy went to Gus’ room to play with him, Raven approached Clarke.

«There’s something I need to talk to you guys about».

«So, you remember how you talked to me about time travel having possibly been activated by someone else and how Bellamy happened to cross the anomaly just in that moment?»

“Fuck” thought Clarke, abruptly shaken from her trance-like state.

The night with Bellamy had been… something. Indescribable. She kept going back to is as the day unfolded in front of her. She would meet Bellamy’s eyes and exchange a quick, quiet, slightly flirty smile with him every now and then. Every time she closed her eyes, she could feel his hands under her shirt, pressing on her ribs, as every control and consciousness left her body under his touch. Every normal, stupid thing he did, made her cheeks go pink from the not-so-holy thoughts it awoke in her: but she didn’t mind. She got Bellamy back. It was real. They made it real. And she felt so happy. _So happy_. Like she hadn’t felt in so long. Raven had told her multiple times to find herself a partner, and she tried– but it was all pointless. Nights with strangers were just struggling in the sheets. She had had her fun: tossing and turning around to find moments of pleasure, to take a break from the ghosts of her past, and it worked.

And yet, she had never felt so complete. “Almost as if that head and heart thing had actually had some kind of meaning” had told her a voice in her head. It had been beautiful, and pure, and she could still feel it all on her body. There was a pleasing soreness in her limbs, that called for Bellamy’s hands to be eased. She felt a long-forgotten emotion warming her belly up whenever her eyes would get caught in his small details, like his arm muscles stretching the sleeves. Clarke fought the urge to drop everything she was doing to drive him again to the bedroom, to touch him again, to _feel_ him again, to twist her hands in his dark curls, to delve into his body, over and over again. But, after all, why rush it? Bellamy was back. He came back to her.

But now everything was crumbling in front of her. Everyone’s eyes seemed to echo their uncertainty and amplify it; it felt like she was being slapped. They still had no idea what would have happened with him.

«Yes,» said Gabriel, «and?»

«There has been some talk at the lab» said Raven.

«I’m not sure I like where this is going» Clarke sighed.

Raven took a deep breath. «Okay, do you remember how he said that we would transcend after the Last War and how he knew it because he had contacts with higher beings who created the test?»

Gabriel nodded.

«And that we all thought he was absolutely crazy and about to risk everyone’s lives just to follow his God-like fantasy?»

«Yes, Raven, get to the point» said Clarke nervously.

«A research team has been analysing some activity registered as radioactive next to a black hole in our original galaxy, which could be related to a wormhole. Some weird numbers appeared when tracking the gravitational force of the black hole– since numbers don’t lie, the only possible explanation for a gravitational acceleration force that creates speed exceeding the speed of light, is that there is an open passage through the space-time continuum. Similar activity has been registered next to a white hole in this galaxy, which led them to think that this has to be the other end of that wormhole. Apparently, though, due to the relativity of time and whatnot, this same activity has not happened _right now_ over _there_ but roughly…» 

«Five years ago?» anticipated Anna.

«Yup».

«Are you saying we found the source?» asked Gabriel.

«Apparently. But there’s more. These numbers have caught their eyes because they have already been registered _twice_ not long ago. They let it go that time because it apparently caused no consequences here, but this time…» she said, glancing over at Bellamy.

«How long ago? I mean, in the other timeline» asked Clarke. She felt like she already knew the answer.

Raven paused. «Around the time of our nuclear apocalypse».

«What is exactly that you’re saying?» said Gabriel, trying to organize the information.

«What I’m saying is– Cadogan didn’t have any contact with “higher beings”. He traveled to this very point in time and space and must have found out some scientific research and misinterpreted it. Might have very well even been our studies about chips in human bodies» explained Raven, looking at Clarke. «He tried to put the pieces together, he might have even talked to someone, who knows– and he came up with the whole transcendence thing. He jumped here and he jumped back. And now, he apparently did it again: he must have reactivated the stone using the same coordinates when Bellamy jumped. This is what the numbers tell us, at least».

«So do you think Cadogan jumped as well? At the same time as Bellamy?» asked Anna.

«It’s plausible. I suppose that the strings of digits are the same if every part of the equation is the same: the stone, the coordinates, the person passing through it».

«But– if he jumped here five years ago… and then we saw him there _five years ago_ …» started Gabriel.

«… he must have jumped back. He is going to jump back» concluded Clarke.

«I mean, unless we live in an alternate and parallel reality in which Cadogan gets stuck here and can’t go back to start the Last War…» said Raven. She didn’t even believe the possibility herself.

«It’s impossible, though» said Gabriel. «How could we even be here if the Last War hadn’t happened? Those events are the whole reason we ended up here in the first place. Cadogan has to go back. And we already know that he _will_ go back».

 _And Bellamy has to go back too_. No one said it, but everyone thought it.

«I’ve already tried to explain it,» said Anna, «about the future… it already happened».

Clarke felt like everything around her started swinging around and like the floor under her feet disappeared. They were stuck in a time loop, and you don’t get out of time loops.

«And yet– like _I_ said when Bellamy first came here» retaliated Gabriel, «why are we so sure about this progression of events, if the same concept of “progression of events” collapses when we accept that time isn’t continuous?»

«Because time not being continuous doesn’t prevent it from taking any shape or form on different planets and, most importantly, doesn’t stop us from using some kind of continuity in order to explain it. We think of it as a line or a circle because we can understand it better by reducing it to something we already know– a line, or a circle. When we accept it isn’t continuous, we don’t abandon geometric figures: we just have to deal with the fact that different shapes can and do coexist», said Anna.

Raven looked at Clarke. She was pale, her hands slightly trembling. She had just got him back…

«You okay?»

«Yeah» she said, hiding her hands behind her back. «Do we, uhm…», her eyes were watering up. «Do we know how much time… before the portal opens up again?»

«No one knows for sure. It could take weeks or it could take hours; it’s all up in the air».

 _Hours_. In a flash, Clarke felt her body lock into place. She’d been an idiot; whatever time they had, they could’ve spent together, but she’d gone for the hide-and-barely-seek approach.

«Someone has to tell him» said Anna.

«I’ll do it» said Gabriel. He drew closer to Clarke and hugged her. «We’ll go through this together, yeah?».

She quietly nodded, as one single tear rolled down her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't scream at me :(
> 
> [spam time]  
> Just a reminder that yesterday the second and final chapter of **Passed down like Folk Songs (Our Love lasts so long)** came out! My friend and I are really proud of it and would love for you to come and check it out, you find it **[at this link](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27433912/chapters/67061974#workskin)**.
> 
> Have a lovely Saturday and we'll see each other on Wednesday for the ninth and final chapter of Alive (Back from the dead) <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, we're at the end.
> 
> I thought about how to write this note for *a bit* lol but I really want to be as clear as possible because I really want everyone to stay safe and I'd hate to trigger you.  
> As I said at the very beginning of this story, I wrote this to prove a point: that you can have tragedy without messing characters up. I wrote this fic in roughly a week just because I had to get it out of my system: it could have been way more structured and it could have been way more tragic, or it could have been even more filled with fluffiness and softness. This is what I ended up with and I honestly feel like it's a good compromise. I hope you'll agree with me and (to lighten the mood) I'll tell you a secret in the ending notes– which is also the reason why I haven't put the major character death warning.  
> There is no graphic description nor direct mention of death, but it's definitely implied. Read carefully.

Gabriel’s words washed over Bellamy like a cold shower.

Something in the back of his head had kept on reminding him that he probably wasn’t there to stay, that he should have kept his guard up, that the inevitable was just around the corner: all in one giant, dooming, inescapable loop. He had tried so hard to keep those thoughts at bay. After all, things were almost close to taking the right turn for once in his life. Why shouldn’t he hope that a miraculous coincidence would finally give him peace? 

Gabriel was talking about numbers and black holes, and time loops and wormholes, as Bellamy’s gaze fixated on Augustus playing with Murphy. Full of life, without a care in the world. Healthy.

He remembered being his age, sneaking alone around the Ark trying to get as much goods as possible for his mother and his baby sister. No games, no friends: his family had to remain a secret, he had to protect Octavia from the rest of the world. He wished he could have had Gus’ childhood, and also knew without doubt that he would have killed everyone who put the very existence of that kid and that life in danger. He had to go back: who knew what would have happened if Octavia never saw him die? His presence there was the very one thing endangering everyone else.

«Bellamy?» called Gabriel, shaking him from his train of thoughts.

«Sorry. Yeah. I understand».

«We still don’t know when it’s going to happen, _if_ it’s going to happen, but…»

«It’s best to know and to get ready. Gotcha». There was no point in dwelling in if’s and maybe’s. Raven trusted the science and he trusted Raven.

«I’m sorry, I wish I could have told you more…»

«It’s okay,» said Bellamy, «none of us really knows what’s going on. But if I have to sacrifice myself for all of you to have a safe life… so be it».

«This hero complex sounds like a heavy burden to carry around» Gabriel mocked him, trying to ease the tension, although unsuccessfully. They felt as though they were walking on eggshells. Bellamy scoffed and looked at him: he knew he would have wanted to do more. A quiet nod was all they needed to understand each other.

Octavia stormed into the room, making a beeline for her brother. She hugged him desperately, unable to say a word. Bellamy’s hand ran circles across her back, trying to ease her sobbing.

«Hey. Look at me» he raised her chin with his fingers. «It’s gonna be alright. Come on», he said, taking her to their room.

Octavia didn’t let go of him even after sitting on the bed. Bellamy didn’t want to let go of her either. He tried to repeat to himself that it was the only way, but it was getting harder and harder every second he passed with his face buried in his sister’s shoulder feeding his own doubts.

«I don’t want to let you go. I just got you back» she whispered tearfully. «And it makes no sense. I remember that moment. You were so confused, I mentioned Clarke and you had no idea what I was talking about, you said you’d jump only with me by your side… why? If you know all this, if you know we’re okay, why?»

Bellamy didn’t answer. He couldn’t exactly understand it himself. Maybe it was something about the future being able to influence the past.

«I can’t do this without you» Octavia was trying not to sob again, but her voice was heavy.

«But you already did» Bellamy reminded her, moving away from her to look directly into her eyes. «And you did so good», he went on. «Look at Gus! He’s an incredible kid, he’s smart, and kind, and generous, and beautiful. _You_ did that, without me».

«But I don’t wanna do it _again_ without you».

«O, you already went through hell and back all by yourself. You put yourself back together piece by piece, and now the universe has finally rewarded you with an incredible partner and a gorgeous son. You have this incredible family and so many people who love you. And it all happened without me. It breaks my heart to think that I won’t be here to witness your greatness, but I am so very happy that I got to see where you are now and how much happiness and joy and love surrounds you, even for a little while,» Bellamy’s voice broke, the tears flowing freely no matter how hard he tried to keep them at bay.

Octavia hugged him again. Bellamy pressed a kiss on her forehead, holding her tightly. She felt as small as she had during her childhood, curling up against him to listen to him read the _Iliad_ out loud.

She wasn’t a kid anymore, though.

She would move on and live her life to the fullest; he was one-hundred-percent sure of that.

In the living room, everyone was gathering up their things. The atmosphere had gotten heavy and no one really knew what to do or what to say. Raven tried to talk to Clarke, but she was clearly trying to avoid her. She hoped so badly she was wrong. Numbers might have meant facts, but interpretations could (and did) vary.

When Bellamy walked in the room, he felt like he’d just inadvertently jumped to the future instead of dying like he had expected. Everyone around him was uneasy and didn’t know what to do or say. How do you talk to a dead man walking?

«Cheer up, everyone!» said Murphy. «Raven said that we don’t know if or when the portal is going to open, right? It could be in weeks! I’ll get really mad at you if you miss the birth of my child, you know» he told Bellamy, pointing a finger at him. He chuckled. Who would have guessed that John Murphy would be the one ready to lighten the mood for him, once upon a time, huh?

Emori got closer and hugged him. «I’ll get pretty mad, too».

«I wouldn’t miss it for the world», said Bellamy.

She took his hand and placed it on her belly. «I think it’s a girl, you know?»

His voice softened, «Have you picked a name yet?»

«There’s a book Octavia gave me… Thalia. She was one of the nine Greek muses, the comedy one, and her name meant the joyous, the flourishing. I think we’ve had enough tragedy in our lives, haven’t we?»

«Thalia Murphy» said Bellamy, looking over at John. They exchanged a glance, full of unspoken agreement. He smiled. «I love it». A kick: she liked it too.

As they moved towards the door, Raven grabbed him by the arm.

«Dude, I’m so sorry, I don’t know, I had to tell you and everyone else because, you know, nothing is certain, but still,» she stammered «I could be wrong, I could be _so wrong_ , and I hope I am…»

«Raven, calm down» said Bellamy, squeezing her arm. «It’s fine. You said it, right? We don’t know for sure. What’s the problem in that? When have we ever knew something for sure in our entire lives? We can’t have all the answers».

«I wish I did».

«I know you do» he said, letting her go, with a rueful smile on his face.

Raven looked at him, eyes almost glassy but jaw firmly and determinedly set: «I won’t tell you goodbye. Because I’ll see you soon».

«Sure,» he said, clearing his voice, «let me know if you hear back about that job at the music store».

«You can count on me. See ya» and she quickly turned away. Raven had never liked goodbyes.

Bellamy put Augustus to bed that night. He told him the story of how Ulysses hadn't been able to come back home for twenty long years. He hoped the metaphor could serve as an explanation to his impending absence.

«So he came back home, in the end».

«Yes, he did. And Penelope was super happy about that».

«He sounds nice, I’d like to be friends with him» said Gus, yawning.

Bellamy tucked him in and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

He found Clarke waiting for him.

Bellamy walked to the fridge to get the water bottle. She stayed silent. 

That tense second was enough for him to realise he couldn’t hold it together anymore. He had tried his best for Octavia, but he couldn’t lie to Clarke. He’d always been like a goddamn open book to her.

They looked at each other.

«Don’t jump», she said.

He sighed. «Clarke…».

Her eyes shone brightly through the glasses she would sometimes use at home. The frame was wonky towards the right. She must have slept on them during one of her late night work sessions, Bellamy thought. He almost smiled at the image, before remembering he would have probably never had the chance to see it.

«I’m serious. Don’t jump,» she repeated as she got closer to him, «if the portal opens, just don’t go. Stay here with us. With me».

Bellamy grabbed her and held her tightly. He couldn’t find the right words; he knew plenty of those but none seemed to fit his thoughts.

How could he tell her he would never willingly choose to leave her?

How could he tell her that his worst days had been those where he at least had to try and learn to live again without her?

How could he tell her he’d never felt truly alive until she came into his life?

How could he explain the earth-shattering devastation he’d felt when he saw her lying on a table with no pulse and for intents and purposes dead for good?

How could he put into words the primal instinct that got the best of him and made him do whatever he could to bring her back to life?

How could he describe feeling like he’d come back to shore after having almost drowned that he felt when he heard her draw a new breath?

Bellamy had always known that he would have lost himself if anything had happened to Octavia: that connection was too deep-rooted in him to ever go away. But with Clarke…

She grabbed his hand and took him outside of the house. A ladder was leaning against the back wall. Clarke climbed to the flat roof and waited for Bellamy to follow her.

«Why are we…» he began.

«Shut up», she said. She was fidgeting, her fingers drumming an unknown rhythm. Bellamy wanted to hold her in his arms, to calm her down and he wanted her to calm him down– but, at the same time, he knew that he should let her be.

«When you were in space, I called you every day on the radio». He knew. Madi had told him first, then Clarke told him herself when they arrived on Sanctum. Why she was repeating herself? Was there something else she hadn’t mentioned? «It was the only thing that kept me going. The hope, weak as it could have been, that you might have answered, one day. I would tell you about the devastation of Praimfaya, about Madi, about our lives together. About our attempts to open the bunker. I would ask you how your life was going, how the others were holding up, if you could see us from up there. For six years».

She paused, her voice trembling. «When Gabriel told me you were dead and when Octavia told me she was there… I lost it. There was no hope this time. I kept up my facade for everyone else, but I was crushed» she was not looking at him anymore. «Losing you again, for good… it took me years to finally deal with it».

She wiped off her tears, chuckling lightly. «And then you came back».

Bellamy felt his insides twisting up.

«It was the most beautiful gift I could have ever hoped for. You’re here, in front of me, you’re real» she said, grabbing his shoulders, as to prove one more time that he wasn’t a ghost. «And yet, I haven’t told you even half of the things I told you over the radio in those six years». Clarke moved her hands along the length of Bellamy’s arms. «I don’t even know if I have the time now», she whispered.

«Clarke, there’s nothing you need to tell me…» he began, catching her hands in his, but she didn’t let him finish.

She looked straight into his eyes. Bellamy felt her vibrant blue irises penetrate every bone in his body, right to his very mind. He felt a wave of electricity down his spine as Clarke said the words she had only ever said in dreams: «I love you».

Bellamy stopped thinking. Instead, he let his body do the work for him. His mouth pressed on Clarke’s as his hand stroked her cheek, wet from the tears. He hoped time could stop forever, as Clarke’s words echoed in his mind, “I love you, I love you, I love you”. The shadow of her kiss lingered on his lips when they parted.

«Don’t leave me» she murmured, burying her face in his chest. How could he?

«I love you, too» he whispered in her ear, his voice slightly breaking. Saying it, after all that time, was like lifting a heavy burden from his chest. It felt like liberation, it felt like freedom.

But time is a funny thing.

As Bellamy and Clarke confessed their feelings to each other under the flickering night sky, up on the roof for the whole universe to see, a greenish light appeared. Soft, at first. So ephemeral that they barely noticed it. They were too preoccupied with each other anyway: smiling through tears, holding one another as if both of them were the most precious beings in the entire world.

In spite of that, the green light got stronger. Bellamy quickly shielded Clarke with his body, as the wind rose. It took them some time before realizing what was happening.

The portal had opened again.

Clarke made him turn around, a frightened look on her face. Bellamy smiled tenderly.

«You know I have to go».

Clarke shook her head sharply. «But I don’t want you to».

«Clarke,» he said, taking her face in his hands, «having you in my life has been the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I wish I hadn’t been so damn stupid, I wish I had told you before. But this… is the only choice, and you know it». 

«Oxymoron», she said.

«Just like cold sweat» he smiled, moving a golden strand from her forehead. «We can’t meddle with what we don’t understand. There’s a reason why I don’t remember ever landing in Bardo, and it’s that I was never there in the first place».

Clarke looked at him with puffy eyes, her mouth a thin line of stubborness.

«I wouldn’t risk your current happiness for anything in the world».

«I won’t be happy without you».

«Yes, you will» he said. He wrapped his arm around her waist and they kissed again, for the last time. It was long, delicate and strong. «And, who knows,» he said, «maybe I’ll jump to a different moment in time and space and we’ll still have our time».

Clarke whispered something in his ear. Bellamy pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

  
They separated.

She was going to be okay.

He walked into the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I might, _might_ , be thinking about a sequel. _Might_. We'll see how it goes!)  
> (I love you Bell you deserved the world I'll never let you go)
> 
> Thank you for having stayed with me these weeks, it has really meant a lot to me and I can't wait to hear you final thoughts <3 I hope to see you soon!


End file.
